


Dreamcatcher

by 318



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Brothers, Dealing with Nightmares, Gen, Post-Thor: Ragnarok (2017), Pre-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Statesman
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-19
Updated: 2019-04-19
Packaged: 2020-01-16 13:20:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18522364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/318/pseuds/318
Summary: Sometimes dreams feel real. Unluckily, that applies only to the bad. So what can you do when you don't trust your own mind anymore?(or, the one where Loki stabs Thor while sleeping. Unintentionally, really.)





	Dreamcatcher

**Author's Note:**

> I watched all the trailers to Endgame, and I honestly think it will be a great movie (at least I hope so for the Russo's - it could become unpleasant to hype millions around the world and disappoint them^^). Admittedly the plot is still ominous to me, BUT - I don't sense much possible solutions for the (for me) unbearable Loki & Thor situation here. I'm afraid they won't even have a real conversation...  
> So, fanfiction it is. I already wrote a thorough follow-up to Ragnarok, but without addressing a situation that had me thinking since Avengers. So, here it is. I thought about including it into the Trajectory series, it just doesn't fit, so stand-alone. Yeah!  
> Maybe Thor and Loki are a little ooc in here. With the length of their lives, I believe if they had the time, they would need centuries to actually make progress with each other. Due to Infinity War they don't have this luxury, so I kinda sped things up. Hahaha. Evil me.  
> I hope you enjoy! Still no native speaker, but I gave my best.

The Bifrost shattered, and its power threw Loki up in the sky. Then he was spinning down, nothing beneath him but the void. And suddenly there was a yank in his arm, the one that was clutching do the shaft of Gungnir, and Thor’s face right about him. He hung above the abyss, should have vanished into nought, only Thor didn’t let him fall. 

‘Pull me up,’ Loki spat through gritted teeth, humiliated in a way he didn’t know even existed. 

Thor’s face twisted into an ugly grimace. ‘No,’ he said cooly. 

‘ _Nooooo_!,’ Thor laughed, and let go of the spear. And Loki fell. 

 

Jerking into wide-awakeness, the first thing Loki saw was his brother’s peaceful face, lying on the pillow next to his own. He drew back, fear making his heart beat loud in his ears. Soon he felt the wall in his back and hold perfectly still, not wanting to wake the man who had tossed him into an abyss only moments ago. 

Thor startled anyway. His unseeing right eye opened, but before he could lift his head enough to explore what woke him, Loki disappeared. 

 

He took refuge in the engine room. It was hot, barely bearable for his racing heart. Nevertheless, it was the safest place right now. No one would look for him there. Loki slumped down in the darkest corner of the room and buried his face in his hands. Cautiously he breathed to calm himself down. His heart rate began returning to normal, but his mind was in utter chaos. The image of Thor releasing Gungnir, cutting Loki’s life line, stood clearly in front of his closed eyes. His hand seized into his hair and he pulled. The pain did little to distract him.

It took a long time until his racing thoughts calmed down enough so he could think straight again. The dream wasn’t real. It wasn’t what really happened. Loki knew this, and with each minute going by he succeeded in convincing himself. 

Slowly, he stood. Thor wouldn’t take his sudden absence kindly. Yet it was all but impossible for Loki to be near him after a nightmare like this. His mind had separated the dream image from reality, his heart however still was afraid. It would take a few hours, maybe one or two days, before the fear would fade. 

This time he walked. Of course teleporting would be faster, but he had no intention to return quickly. Only his newly awoken sense of responsibility kept him from hiding in the shadows. He would need to rest if he wanted to be of any use to the people. And due to the overcrowding of the vessel, the only place he could do so was next to the man he would avoid otherwise.

Carefully, he pushed open the door to their chamber. He didn’t want to talk to Thor, the memories of the nightmare still fresh in the back of his skull. It would be easier to find peace if he could avoid looking at his brother. 

As things turned out, he didn’t have to worry. Thor was not in the room. Frowning, Loki checked the time. There were still several hours of sleeping time left. This was unusual.

Thankfully, Loki crawled into the bed and passed out. 

 

‘Are you kidding me?’

The Valkyrie sounded annoyed, but Loki decided to not care. He pulled the blanket over his head and tried to disregard her voice. 

‘What are you talking about?’ Thor’s answer was muffled, as if he wasn’t in the room. Loki’s heart sped up, nevertheless. Great. For one moment he had forgotten his dream.

‘He’s sleeping, you moron - your majesty,’ the Valkyrie snapped, far too close to Loki’s ears to ignore her any longer. 

‘I’m trying to,’ he corrected and shut her mouth with his magic. The Valkyrie rolled her eyes unimpressed, but Thor came storming into the chamber. He abruptly stopped several feet away from the bed and stared at Loki, who averted his eyes. He couldn’t stand this gaze, not now. 

‘Where are you?’ Thor’s voice sounded so small, so defeated, now Loki couldn’t stand _not_ looking at his brother either. He seemed unharmed, but something was wrong. Horribly wrong, judging by the expression of Thor’s features. 

The Valkyrie saluted mockingly and exited the room, not without banging the door. Loki cleared his voice, not looking Thor in the eye. ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m right here.’

Thor pointed his finger accusingly at Loki. His arm shook. ‘You left. I woke, and you were gone. We searched everywhere for hours. That’s an illusion.’

Loki gaped. That was… unexpected. 

‘Thor,’ he said slowly. ‘I’m here. I didn’t leave you, I just… couldn’t sleep,’ he half-lied. 

‘I don’t believe you.’

When Loki stood, his brother took a step back. He approached him slowly, still very uncomfortable with the concept of closeness, but with a growing sense of guilt. Because Loki couldn’t even control his own mind, Thor was in this sorry state now. Carefully he gripped Thor’s shoulder. When feeling the touch, Thor let out a sob and threw his arms around Loki. Or at least he tried, for Loki shoved him so hard that Thor stumbled. The look of hurt that crossed Thor’s expression stang.

‘What… what’s wrong?’ he asked. 

Loki groaned. ‘Everything’s fine. Just… don’t touch me, will you? Not now.’

Thor narrowed his eye, and the hurt was replaced by distrust. ‘Why,’ he demanded. 

His tone was all Loki needed to become angry. ‘Because I say so, _my king_.’

‘Very well, _my prince_ ,’ Thor snapped and went to the bed. He lay down, making a show of sliding so close to the edge he was about to fall out. Loki didn’t bother telling him he was ridiculous. Honestly, he could use the space right now. 

 

It took Loki a long time to go back to sleep. He was still mad at Thor, but mostly he was afraid of his dreams. Listening to his brother’s shuffling didn’t exactly calm his nerves, either. But eventually Thor’s breath evened, and Loki dozed off. In this state between sleep and waking, his thoughts slowed down. It felt like just a few moments had passed when Thor turned around and one of his arms brushed Loki’s. He reacted in an instant. Before he even woke fully, one of his daggers found its way into Thor’s side. 

Thor roared and rolled back, falling out of bed. Loki jumped to the headboard, another dagger in hand, heart racing, ready to strike if his enemy attacked again. Only when Thor stumbled to his feet, retreating to the other end of the small room, he realized what just happened. The weapon fell from his shaking hand. 

‘Brother, I’m… are you alright?’ he asked. He didn’t recognize his own voice.

‘Alright? Alright? You just stabbed me!’ Thor tossed the dagger away, clearly disgusted.

‘I didn’t mean to,’ Loki replied stiffly. 

‘Oh please, enlighten me. What exactly was your intention?’ 

‘I had no intention. I was half asleep,’ he defended himself. A weak excuse, even he had to admit.

Thor pressed a hand to his wound. ‘Is this supposed to make me feel better? That only your subconsciousness tried to kill me?’

Sighing, Loki rose and approached him. Thor just gazed at him warily. At least he didn’t flinch back when Loki reached him and healed the wound. 

‘I didn’t try to kill you. You just… startled my defense mechanisms.’

He could see his brother didn’t believe him. But Thor walked back to the bed, and he let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. During the last weeks on the Statesman, their ruptured relationship seemed to heal slowly. He didn’t like the feeling of relief creeping into his chest. It just showed how he yet again depended on his brother, a luxury he was pretty sure he couldn’t afford. Still he felt more at ease - until Thor simply grabbed his blanket and went for his armchair. 

‘You don’t have to sleep in the chair,’ he declared exasperated. 

The look Thor gave him spoke of tiredness. ‘So next time the dagger pierces my throat? Or my heart? Loki, I don’t know what this is about. And if you refuse to tell me, I can’t make you. But I’d rather not wake up only to discover I’m dead.’

Loki had no answer for him. He was right. That didn’t mean Loki liked it. For some reason he didn’t dare to elaborate further, this solution made him uncomfortable. It felt wrong for Thor feeling unsafe around him, when he had no intention to actually hurt him. Hel, why did they have to catch each other on the wrong foot always?

‘If you’re planning on standing there all night, I take the bed,’ Thor threatened. Somehow that was too much. 

‘I dreamt,’ Loki blurted out. Thor lifted his head. ‘I dreamt of the Bifrost. Of you letting go of Gungnir and laughing while I fall.’

‘What?’ was all Thor contributed. When Loki rubbed his brow and went to sit on the bed, he followed his every move. 

‘It is a false memory implanted in my head. After I fell into the void, there were… people. They did things to my head. They twisted my memories, replaced them by their own versions. I only slowly managed to get them back, and sometimes the imposters still haunt my dreams. It’s hard to shake them off.’

During his explanation, Loki kept his gaze strictly to the floor before his feet. When he finally squinted at his brother, he was met with a look of utter horror. Thor came to sit next to him. He opened his mouth and closed it again, without saying anything. 

At last, he whispered, ‘When we met again on Midgard. You spoke about me tossing you into an abyss… You didn’t refer to me destroying the bridge, did you? You thought… you _remembered_ me throwing you? Deliberately?’

Loki didn’t even consider lying. ‘Aye.’

Thor trembled by now. ‘I- I don’t know what to say. I’m so sorry.’

‘It was not your fault.’ 

‘Of course it is. All of this is my fault,’ Thor huffed. ‘I was the one to let you down.’ He winced. ‘Not literally, but still.’

Oh, how Loki loved it when Thor wallowed in self-pity. ‘I choose on my own. You may be my king, but not my master.’

‘That is not what I meant, and you know it,’ Thor said through his teeth. For a lack of response, he continued carefully, ‘So, did you manage to get all your own memories back?’

Loki shrugged. ‘I guess so. It’s hard to tell, obviously.’

Thor frowned. ‘What kind of sorcerer did possess the power to overcome your magic?’ 

Though he received no response, his mind seemed to draw a conclusion on his own. ‘It was the Mind Stone, wasn’t it? Before you received the sceptre, it was used on you. It’s the only thing I can think of that could overpower you.’

Literally speechless, Loki watched his brother’s hand going to his hair. Thor stiffened, for he obviously had momentarily forgotten he no longer had his long golden locks. Tears welled in his eye. ‘So, New York. Was it even you?’

‘Aye. They didn’t make me a mindless puppet. They just encouraged thoughts I already had, while impeding others.’ 

Confusion was written on Thor’s face. ‘I don’t understand. Does that mean you already believed I threw you?’ 

‘I wasn’t sure. Before they found me, I floated through the void. I don’t know if it were hours or weeks, but with time my mind lost all stability,’ Loki admitted. He figured his mind was still not stable, why else would he tell Thor? ‘It felt right.’

‘See, I let you down. My own brother considered me killing him right,’ Thor insisted, a picture of regret. 

‘Obviously I underestimated your foolishness,’ Loki answered in an attempt to lighten the mood. ‘I just betrayed you.’ 

Thor simply shrugged. ‘Who cares.’

They kept silence after this statement. Loki couldn’t help wondering how his brother’s brain worked. He didn’t care? Who did he think he was kidding?

Suddenly, Loki realized Thor was watching him, seemingly wanting to say something, but keeping quiet. How unusual for a man who liked to smash first, ask questions later and never think about anything. ‘Yes?’, he prompted.

Still Thor hesitated. ‘You will think me stupid.’

‘That never stopped you before.’

‘True. It’s just… I somehow can’t believe you’re really Jotunn. I don’t understand how it could work. How we never saw it. How you could - be you, I guess?’ He looked at his brother pleadingly. 

The level of discomfort Loki experienced reached new highs. ‘It was probably Odin’s magic. In combination with mother’s, I suppose. But I’d rather not speak about it.’

‘We never speak about it,’ Thor reminded him softly. ‘Maybe we should.’

‘No, we should definitely not,’ Loki exclaimed fiercely. ‘It would be better to forget about it.’ 

The slight threat in his voice wasn’t lost on Thor. ‘If you wish so.’ He gestured vaguely on the bed behind them. ‘But we should talk about our sleeping arrangements.’

Loki stiffened. ‘I’m afraid I can’t help my dreams.’ He still didn’t want his brother to sleep somewhere else. These weeks on Sakaar, he thought Thor dead, slaughtered by Hela. Most nights, his face was a rather welcoming sight for Loki when he woke from his dreams. 

Thor knitted his brow. ‘Would it be of any aid if you look into my head? See my side?’

Loki was about to brush him off, but he continued. ‘Hear me out. Maybe my memories could overwrite yours, if only temporarily. I know it’s not the same, but we should give it a try. It’s hard to see you afraid of me.’ 

_To Hel with this new, attentive side of his brother_ , Loki thought. ‘I don’t deem this appropriate. Do you really want to relive this day? It’s unpleasurable.’

‘The Valkyrie mentioned,’ Thor grinned. ‘But I won’t lie, it’s getting late and I’m exhausted. We should try everything if it means we can rest.’

The promise of sweet sleep in combination with Thor implying he considered Loki’s problem _theirs_ left Loki without further arguments. At least that was what he would tell himself later. He simply reached forwards and touched Thor’s brow lightly. 

Usually Loki avoided looking into people’s thoughts. Everyone’s mind worked different, and it was never pleasant to adjust himself to others. In all of their centuries together, he never dared looking into Thor. But somehow, it was exactly as he pictured it. 

Thor didn’t classify his days like Loki did, whose mind was somewhat sterile. As Loki delved into the depths of Thor’s thinking (which was ridiculous on itself), he noticed his brother memorized emotions rather than facts. It was impossible for Loki to find the moment on the Bifrost. Instead he was sucked into a whirl of feelings his brother had regarding him.

He experienced nostalgia on behalf of the past, intertwined with regret for their relationship changing for the worse. Still there was a huge amount of grief, although Loki didn’t truly die, Thor apparently never completely stopped mourning him. There was pure joy, memories filled with laughter and the sun shining down on them. There was frustration mixed with distrust, born from the many occasions Loki betrayed him. Admiration and fondness, for Loki coming to Asgard’s aid and being there when Thor needed him the most. Fury, for his deeds on Midgard and also Jotunheim, surprisingly. An overwhelming fear of losing him if Thor let him out his sight for even a moment.

With all the sentiment it would have been easy for Loki to get lost, weren’t it for the one thing that kept it all together: a deep, unredeemable love Thor hold for his brother, excelling everything else. Loki’s first impulse was to withdraw, but he couldn’t break away. He didn’t even want to. He could feel his own heart aching, and involuntarily he let down the walls that kept his own emotions secluded from his brother. It lasted only a moment before he panicked and shied off, but it was too late to hide. 

Shakily, he swallowed before slowly opening his eyes. His sight remained clouded and with a wave of discomfort he realised there were tears streaming down his face. He wiped them away. They kept falling, nevertheless. 

‘Brother, I-’ His voice trailed off, not knowing what to say.

Thor shook his head gently. He was crying, too. ‘It’s okay. I think I get it.’ 

He raised one hand to Loki’s neck, and Loki found himself leaning into it. Thor used the thumb to caress his wet cheek. Briefly Loki wondered what Thor had seen in his twisted emotions. He hadn’t been able to deal with them for years. He remembered the last words his mother said to him - _always so perceptive, about everyone but yourself_. She had been right. The person whose thoughts, actions and emotions confused Loki the most - was Loki. 

He shifted his weight. Thor let go of him, probably afraid to crowd him, but Loki had no intention to leave. The images the nightmare had left behind faded minute by minute to the point he could put them aside completely. Carefully he lowered his head to Thor’s shoulder and put one arm on his back. Thor needed only a second to throw his arms around Loki and squeeze him tight. Loki didn’t even feel the need to object when his brother kissed his brow, he just buried his face deeper in the hollow of Thor's neck. 

They sat for a long time, silently crying, before Thor pulled away just enough to look Loki in the eyes. He smiled unsteadily. ‘So I assume it worked?’

Loki cleared his throat. ‘You could say that.’

Thor let out a breath. ‘Wonderful. What do you think about sleeping?’

Surprised, Loki noticed he had completely forgotten about his exhaustion, but now it came back. ‘We should give it a try.’

Satisfied, Thor released his hold and lay back on his pillow. Loki shook himself, wiped his cheeks and crawled to his side of the bed. But before he could settle down, he became aware of Thor’s stare which was following his movements. An image came to his mind which was not his own, but filled him with a strange kind of happiness. It was from the perspective of his brother, looking down on a young Loki sleeping with his face on Thor’s chest after he had come to him at the dead of night because of a nightmare. Somehow he knew Thor was seeing the same inside his head. 

Loki paused. The battle he fought against himself was short. Yes, despite all that happened in the last minutes, there were many things they had to talk about. He thought of the Tesseract in one of his pockets, Thor’s annoying friends on Midgard and Odin, who still managed to throw his shadow out of Valhalla. About his slip, admitting there were others behind the attack on Midgard, too. Thanos.

Nothing of it mattered in that moment. So Loki changed direction and huddled up against Thor’s chest, getting comfortable and summoning their blankets to cover them. The last he saw before a dreamless sleep claimed him was the faint smile on Thor’s lips. Maybe sometimes sentiments had a right to exist.

**Author's Note:**

> ... and now imagine the screen fading to black and a beautiful, vintage "THE END" appearing. Not happening, but a girl can dream...


End file.
